Having lame friends makes me lame too. Birds of a feather flock together.

Not long after i posted the last post, i found myself on IM, leaving him 10++ messages. I ask myself after that, why the heck did i do that? Am i stupid? Have i lost my ego? Why am i even being nice to someone who thinks only shitz of me?

Things are still the same. His insults will still come, it came. I will be hurt, i am hurt, i was hurt. Things will never change.

A freind told me that i am not the problem, but the problem was his lame ass words coming out from his mouth. I agree. I'm not quiting the game. But i'm playing a different strategy. Insult me, come on do it. I welcome it. I just wish you could feel my air blowing thru text.

Ok, it's not me. Definitely not me. I'm not that immature.

I've this friend who is really damn lame. Or a more accurate work to describe him is 'fai' in cantonese. I put up with him because his lameness makes me laugh sometimes, but he gets on my nerves most of the time. He insults me, call me names. I dont care. I tolerate because i know he is like that and i'm not that sensitive 'sui hei'. But sometimes i just cant stand it.

Thursday not that a good day for me. A project due was on thurday. I didn't have enough sleep for almost 5 days already. The thing is i wasnt grumpy. I was still ok. But just that my brain is so freaking in the Default mode. I didn't have energy to think and stuff. Then here comes this friend who SMS me is all his lame and insulting statements about me. I didn't have energy(mentally) to even reply his message. Out of all his 10 (according to him...i not that free to keeo track of SMSes) i only replied two. Ok, so i only replied two. I'll answer to his SMS if it's serious and i only got 2 serious SMS for his.

What else do you expect me to do? Be lame with you and 'layan' every single insult i get from you? Piss off man, i've got better things to do.

And what so bloody annoying is that, he, now is annoyed me and he's not gonna reply my messages until it reaches the 10th message. I'm now like ...."no comment, why am i even putting up with this childish lamer?".

But then again, he is still my friend. ARGHHHH friendsssss.

ps. If you, from god know where, got this link and read all of above...here's a message for you.
"Please grow up"

I wonder if it's me or isit just normal to think this.

Dont you just wish everyone will just shut up and leave you some peace and quiet for just 24 hours?

I feel hurt. So very hurt.

I know that she's like that. She's always the 'i'm all for my bf' type. She's always been like that. I've been thru those phases with her but why do i still feel so hurt? I feel that i'm no longer needed.

Am i just a part time buddy to you now?

I'm 19. But from 8.30pm to 12am i was a 15 year old stuck in a 19 year old body. I had a BLAST! It was fun.

I was suppose to be the most mature among them but no, i just couldnt hold back on FUN! I was a sakai, a 'ah moi' from some kampung that just came from some small kampung, i was a pure 19 year old jakun.

When the bands were playing, i went up to the stage and danced. Gave the lead guitarist, who was also doing the vocals, my VIP orkid. Since he's hands were not free to take the orkid, i help him pin it on his shirt. This girl came on stage later to sing a song by Jewel...she was fantastic...and there i was, being the jakun, i stood on my chair and start waving my hands.

It was fun. Didnt had this much fun since...since...i cant even remember. ...and its great to have friends who are willing to be jakuns with me. =) =) =)
weeeeee!

Ehhh hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not superwoman la okkkkkkkkkkayyyyyyy. You shut your mouth during meetings and dont give out ideas. I ask for comments on my work and you said its up to me. Bloody hell, then why are u the one complaining about the colour, the design and shits?!? Heckkkk i did three bloody designs for you in 5 hours!, and what do i get? Thank you? Noooooo i get, eh why this one like that one, why cannot do like the one we saw on google, why the colour so bright one. There's really something wrong with your eyes cos dark green is so not BRIGHT. My godddd you really can get real bitchy. Give me a colour and i'll work with it you idiot. Dont make me waste time designing and then get piss when you bitch about everything.

*&^&$%^#&%#$!@#!$#@%$#@$&^(&*^%@@#$%^&*()(*&^%!@#$%^&*()+_)(*&^%$@#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#

Dont you just hate when a not so new hardware wont work on XP? I borrowed my friends scanner, that that new but not that old either. Installed the driver and shits but the damn sw can seem to detect the scanner. %$#@

Tried reinstalling, rebooting my pc and what ever i can think of. No avail. So....i'm here...terpaksa to wait approx 20 mins to dl the 41mb XP driver from the scanner's company. I'm just glad that im on broadband. Would be hell if i dled from a 56k.

Oh yeah i'm alive. Very alive indeed.

Yesterday was real scary. I know its just me but its still freaky. I was carrying out a task as a PR person. I got to chat with this guy on ICQ. When i said my thank yous and good byes, he said "We are friends now, but i hope we can be the best of friends". I know he was just trying to be friendly but...yorrr freaky.

Anyways, found this out from another blogger's site. Follow these steps and read the error message properly.
#1 Goto google.com
#2 Type in "weapons of mass destruction"
#3 Click on "I am feeling lucky" button.
#4 Enjoy

I've tried learning 3DStudioMax once from their in built tutorials. I tired to draw a nice red 3d apple on it. Yeah, i totally sucked at it. Anyways the point is, if you need to so some cg stuff and have shity skill (like me), check this out for the 3d rotating effect. And for those who are not even a little bit interested in the 3d topic, well, go check it out too, will really change your perspective on cg on videos/movies.

Have fun =)

I still feel like shit. Maybe it's PMS. Or maybe not.

Echo "

Have life or have no life, that's not the question. Seriously, i think have life. No matter what life we live in we still have life. So Have Life people. No matter how bad, how sad, how boring, we all still have life.
It doesn't matter what people think of you. It doesn't matter if your life is happenning or not. It doesn't matter if you can't meet to other people's requirement. Just live your life the way you are happy with. Noone have the right to judge/rate life. Noone. Life is ambiguous. What maybe seem 'Have Life' to others maybe seem 'Have No Life' to you and vice versa. So why even bother to even listen to the 'Have Life or Have No Life' debate?

"

Have you ever felt that you are tired of life, felt that you just want to RIP cos you are just so sick of it? But no, you don't want to kill yourself cos you just love yourself too much to kill yourself.

Just thinking of those who will come to your funeral and grave after you've passed away. Think of those who will miss you dearly after you've gone. Think of those who you didn't know loved you so much. Think of those who will cry you a river not because you left, but because you've shown them what happiness is.

I wish i could attend my own funeral. Dont you?

Alex came over. I helped him with his work. He just left.

Nothing happened. Phew.

My bro just messed with my desktop. A few of my shortcuts are missing. My files and a few folders are placed all over the place. Its annoying to have people mess with my stuff, esp without my knowledge. He has his own account on my pc, why cant he just use his.

ICQ is so bloody fucked up! Bloody hell i've been getting hell a lot of messages from a whole bunch of people i don't know. God damn it, NO I DON"T WANT TO KNOW YOU PEOPLE! F OFF! STOP FLOODING MY LIST! GO AWAY YOU ANNOYING PEOPLE!
#@!$#%*&^%(&%*&(&&%$@*(*%$##@@

I'm gonna find out what is happening. I'm not listed on any public ICQ list or what ever. There must be something else. Something really annoying.

I'm back from my holidays (from Pangkor and Genting).

I got stung by a jellyfish.

Got sick drinking seawater.

Didn't get drunk in Genting.

Did everything we can do back in KL in Genting.

Just went up there to get the air...that wasn't that cool until late nite.

Got a call from my team mate when i was up there, the management loved our work. WE KICK ASS!

Have class at 8.30am tomorrow. Sucks.

It's been a busy week. Mini assigments all done. Still slacking on projects. Work is finally almost done.

Two really important meeting are scheduled for Tuesday. One was the followup meeting for the one i skiped on Monday. And after that i have a meet with the management that is involved with my work. The funny part, I won't be going for both! WEEEEEEEE! Okay, you might think that's i'm a real irresponsible person, but i'm seriously not. I didn't plan to skip it. It's just that i've already made plans on that day(i'm going on a mini holiday up to Genting), plus i'm not willing to cancel that plan just for work. I've done my part, submitted my work to my leader, and even told him that i wasn't free on that day, it's not my fault if the scheduled the meeting on that day rite? Ok, i know i'm right, but why do i feel so guilty?

I don't know how this came to my mind but i'm going share with you this really 'char tho' retort i thought of.
If someone insults your bf/gf, for example like "you have a real bitchy/jerky girlfriend/boyfriend". Here's what you can say to stand up for your gf/bf and yourself.

echo
"Hm, are you complementing me or insulting me? I love my bitchy/jerky gf/bf, thanks for complement. I'll make sure she/he knows of it. But why insult me? You mean I’m not bitchier/jerkier? and i always thought that i was better of a bitch/jerk"

Don't ask me how it came to mind. Cos seriously i don't know either.

I'm going to me MIAing for a while again. I'm going back to Pangkor (my Kampung) tomorrow and for the weekend! WEEEE! Then i'll be up in Genting on Monday and Tuesday! Double WEEEEE! Won't be logging in for a long long 5 days. Don't miss me! Licksss~~

I told a big fat lie today.

You see, i have 2 important meetings to attend tomorrow, both held at the same time (but the venue is like one east and one west). I've already confirmed my attendance for one of the meeting, but i kind of changed my mind. So i lied. Handed in my documents and stuff and told them I can’t go ‘due to personal reasons’. Heh..i'm escaping the meeting! ;)

But I’m not all that lazy. I’ll be going for the other less formal meeting.

The tv in the hall is being watched by my sister. So i continued watching my taiwan series on my pc. I put the cd in the cd tray. Closed it. Watched the last episode. The story touched my heart. I felt like crying.

My tear rolled down my cheek. My eye hurts. More tears rolled down.

.....

The medicated oil my grandma was using was killing my eyes! You see, i felt like crying, but my tear was not caused by my feelings, but the smell and the sting of the 'oil of winter green' my grandma was using. My grandma have been staying with my family for almost 2 weeks now. She's sleeping in my pc room now, and my pc room smells not like hardware anymore =(

Sobb sobb...my eye hurts...the smell of the oil really stings my eyes

Funny stuff i found while cleaning out my hdd. Enjoy ;)

echo
"

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" and also noted the following consequences of GM imitating Microsoft:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.

10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

"

I can't freaking stand it anymore. Why can't she just be more responsible!!! A deadline is given to her. Without thinking she just said "oh yeah, i'll send you my work by Friday". I waited and waited but nothing. I called her again, she said she was away. Ok, nvm. I said Sunday afternoon. I didn't recieve it until like 5pm! I was still fine then, at least i got her work and can resume mine with hers. But then when i open her files, there's no other expression to describe how i felt except WTF. She gave me a draft of the draft...and i was like expecting the finished work.

I called her, she told me one whole bunch of crap. Then she told me she can send me a low quality of her files just for my viewing sake, so i can at least get on with my work. I said fine. Again i waited, the file was supose to reach me by 1pm, I waited till 1.30 then got a SMS from her. She said she can't send it to me cos she was having class. In my heart i'm like "WTH, if you're having class then why in the first place you tell me that you can send to file to me by 1?!?!!" GODDDDDDD she really got on my nerves. I'm suppose to go over to another friends place to finish my work (cos sw went bongkers) at 2, and she tells me this. How on earth am i going to finish the work in time? And if i don't, i'm the one that will be screwed.

I made a deal with her, and forced myself to chill. I went over to my friends place then.
....guess what, my friends pc lags like hell!!! Just imagine doing video editing on a 500mhz processor. *faint faint.

I'll be dead meat if i don't get the whole video up and running by Wednesday.

Only one good thing happen today. Me and Alex are IMing each other again.

The rest are all bad, sad, stressful and frustrating. I don't feel like blogging about it cos it will just make me feel $%@$@^%$&*%#(*&. But i do want to say something. So i'm just going to say it.

FARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

i think there was in international link down. the line was very bad.

i lost my post...so screw it. i dont have the energy to retype it... argh...im going to bed.

You know what....i'm not egoistical...i'm just a bitch.

echo "

Bitchology

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do
things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in
my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It
means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid.

It means I have the courage and strength to
allow myself to be who I truly am and won't
become anyone else's idea of what
they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is
nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold
within me. You won't succeed. And if
that makes me a bitch, so be it.

I embrace the title and am proud to bear it. I'm a total bitch.

Babe In Total Control of Herself
"

i'm so duh.
i'm so stupid.
ish...how can i make a dumn arse mistake like that?
....*sign

defaultbrain.blogspot.com...not blogspot.com/defaultbrain
...stupid stupid stupid...baka baka baka

I'm beginning to like jazz. I always found it too calm. But now, my perspective towards this genre of music is changing.

I came across Hellsing (jap anime) and fell in love with the soundtrack. They have this really nice modern jazzy song in it. The soundtrack reminded me of this Diana Krall song i have (cry me a river). Then in CowboyBebop (another jap anime), there's this few jazz songs that i fell in love with.

And now i'm like a "jazzy" person. hehehe.

Jazz is not all calm after all. Just have to let the jazz sink to your mind!

I look like this skinny under weight mal nutritious kitty kat. Well actually not really, i just look like a normal 'ooi leng' chick as my mom calls it. Anyways i told myself that i'm gonna force myself to eat more and put on weight. And guess what...i'm actually about 6kgs heavier now.

But the thing is that i have to attend a relative's birthday dinner (in like an hours time) and i can't find anything to wear. I got fed up trying my whole wardrobe, so i'm here blogging.

Maybe i should just wear jeans.
....i have to go shopping soon...real soon.

I'm so god damn tired, but i don't know why i just can fall asleep on the bed at night. I think it's the stress, but then again, i don't feel any.

You know, its like your body fails to function properly, your eyes begins to hurt a lot, the legs feels heavy and the muscles begins to hurt a lot....but then you lay yourself on your solf comfy bed, the body start to ache all over, rolling from side to side don't work either. The worst is when the brain fails to shutdown. Images, memories, fantasies, problems, solutions and predictions flows in one by one in to the mind, then as the mind starts to fall asleep and as the brain starts to rest, your body suddenly jerks.

Then you are left wide awake again. Your brain is left crying to be shutdowned....again.

...really in deep shit. Fark..

My grandma twised her backbone last month and still recovering. She've been staying at my uncle's since then. My family have been going over to my uncles to visit her and sometimes bring her over to our place for a change of environment.

What really pissed me off is that now, when the school holidays starts, both my uncle and aunty decided to go to Thailand for the weekends for a holiday. Ok, i know that's nothing wrong with that but they just dump their 10 year old son and my grandma at home with the maid. My uncle didn't inform my dad until the day before they were to leave! And you know what is worst, this afternoon, my aunty's sis came over and took my 10 year old cousin over to ther place for the weekend. My aunty planned this for her son but didn't even bother to tell my grandma and our family. So it's like my grandma and the maid only. Somemore my grandma is afraid of being alone.

Ok, i don't know if i have the right to be mad, but i am. I mean how can my uncle be so irresponsible! She your mom for god sake! Going off for a holiday when my grandma is sick, without informming my dad (his brother) earlier and leaving my grandma alone with the maid. What a JERK ...his wife too! I told my dad how i felt, he just kept quite. I think he is ashamed of his brother too.

You know what, i remembered that my uncle once said "Kids these have low moral values". Well guess what, at least we kids have some, he has none.

I feel hella good today. Nice email. Nice time at class. Nice time at my project progress report meeting. Woohoo!

Quote of the day “Life is like a box melted chocolate”

#1 because the weather is so hot these days. The slight drizzle in the late afternoon and evenings makes it even more humid! (You know, its like the hot sauna system, the more water (rain) you pour on the hot charcoal (earth), the warmer it gets) The hot weather melts all the chocolate down.

#2 Chocolate taste good, but its kind of hard to enjoy it if it’s all melted. Everything gets so messy, the chocolate sticks on your fingers, and sometimes it gets stuck in front of your teeth. But the feeling of the melted chocolate on the fingers is just *slurp slurp. Plus when you lick/suck (don’t mean to sound obscene ;P) it off your fingers, tasting the melted coco on your tongue…feels like heaven.

#3 …forget what I said in #2. Don’t make any sense to what I wanted to say. Back to the quote, life is like chocolates, bitter and sweet. And when it melts, it gets a little stressful, depressing even annoying. But don’t get pissed over melted chocolate and kill yourself. Life still goes on no matter what. So lick the chocolate off your fingers and enjoy the taste in your mouth.

Me and Alex stopped chatting on IM about a month ago. He took me off his IM list. Then he added me back after a few days. I start chatting with him again.

I was cool about everthing, and i thought he was, but deep down inside he was mad at me for rejecting him, but at the same time he was still loving me. I didn't avoid chatting with him, i'm not that type of person. But now i think i change my mind. He says hurtful stuff to me. I didn't bother at first, but i cannot stand it anymore. He says the nicest thing sometimes but his shitz really kill the soul. I got into an argument with him. He told me to forget him even as a friend. And he said to give him time to forget me. I said fine. I mean after all i know its got damn hard to stop loving somebody if you see her everyday. I even told him to take me off his IM list. And he did.

I was god damn happy after that. Why? Because i've been trying my best to make him understand that me and him will never work out. Plus he's not my type. Yeah, you guys might think that ...wtf, u bloody cold hearted bitch...but the truth is the truth. I didn't play with his heart. I directly told him from day one that i wasn't interested. It's his problem if he still like the cold hearted bitch me.

Anyways i was relieved that he is finally giving up, it's got damn hard to make him give up. But...he added me to his IM list again. But this time i totally ignore him. I think i did the right thing to ignore him this time cos i don't want to give him the idea that i was playing hard to get.

...ok that was the history...now to the present.

When i was exiting the labs today, i saw Mike and Kelvin outside and i'm sure that Alex is somewhere with them. I kind of freaked cos if i see Alex, i would have no idea how to react. Anyway i have to exit the labs anyway and it would be too odd if i was avoid them at that moment. I said hie to them, casual chat with Mike and Kelvin. I looked at Alex, he definitly look kind of pissed seeing me but who cares. I wanted to say something, anything, to him,...but i guess he doesn't . He made no eye contact with me, looked at the floor the whole time i was there. I got my bag and left. I couldn't stand the aura i'm getting from him.

It's sad to lose a friend, a close cyber friend because of rejection. Is that life? Is that the consiquence of love? Or is it just immaturity?

I can't stand them anymore.

I'm not invisible you know, plus they are people around you know. Can't they just not make any body contact even for a minute? Just thinking of it gross me out.

I watched X2 just now with Jane. Bloody hell she talks too much. There i am trying to pay attention to the movie but she keeps on yacking away about everything she sees on screen. Can't she just shut the fuck up and bloody watch the movie and only talk about it when its all over! She went out in the middle of the show to the ladies, thats the only time i got some peace and quiet. Too QUIET tho! The stupid cinema sound system turned off for a whole 5 to 10 minutes! Everyone was so pissed including me. I want a refund!!!!!

Today really suck and its not the end of the day yet. ARGH!

My intuition was right. My parents are having a war behind my (and my sis's) back. I could feel it, i knew there was something wrong with them. Now i know for sure.

I heard them fighting yesterday night.

I really hate this.

ah screw it!
i still can figure out the darn codes. dont know how come that speak up link wont go to that same line argh!!!!
looks fine on my HTML editor but sucks up here. try again later....

tasdaf

testing one two three....there seem to be something really wrong....hmmm

trying to fit enetation properly...arghhh

So many reason to maintain another blog... my main blog is read everyday by my friends around me, my good buddies, my study buddies, people whom i don't know and god knows who else. I have so many restrictions in that blog. I can't really cuss at people cos they will surely get mad. I can't fully express myself there because of so many many reasons.

Here i am, free. Noone knows me. (But i think at this stage noone even reads this)

WEEEEEEE!!!

Noone is going to read this....at least for now...so it dont really matter what i out in here.