I wish I can just leave home

Sometimes I wish I can just leave home....Then again not like I cannot. It would be a financial burden staying by myself.

I can't stand staying with my family anymore. It's not that I don't love them, but I have come to this stage where everything they do annoy the shit out of me. I feel that it's a burden staying with them.

I'm really really old enough to take care of myself, but my dad still thinks I'm in kindergarten. He asks too much lame questions that only annoy me, my mom and sister as well. After a long day at work, I just want some peace and quiet but some how I get home and I have to answer to some really common sense questions. I love my dad, but he's killing me with his questions and his worries.

My mom is a working mom. She works hard and sometimes really late. My dad, my sis and me (but mostly my dad and I appreciate him for that) help out with the house work like hanging out, taking in and folding the clothes. Water the garden and keeping the house neat. Since I started working Mom rehired the freelance maid to clean the house so mom does not have to clean. So mom practically has no housework to do. But.... she complains when clothes are not folded or etcetera. Since Secondary 1, I have been the 'default' person to get blamed if housework are not done. Somehow I end up doing all of it because no matter how much I 'nag' my siblings to do, they just don’t. I will end up doing it. So the task over the years has been somehow morphed to my responsibility.

Sis is god damn lazy. She seldom help out with housework. And if she does, it's only because I have asked her or nagged her to do it. I have talked to her nicely a many times because nagging does not help me either. I know how it feels when someone is nagging; it's pain to the ears. I have asked her to cooperate. I know studying is tough, but I have been there. I was having been through so many of my important final exams back then but still managed to complete all the housework by myself without help from any of my siblings. I just asked her to share some responsibilities with me now, is that too much to ask? I guess in the end that was too much because she can't even iron her own school uniform on a weekly basis.

I have to take care of my sister's attitude too sometimes. Mom and Dad are too busy and lenient on her. Sometimes I find myself being the better parent because I know the situation better and I don't care if my sister hates me. Sometimes I just feel my parents are afraid that my sis is going to hate them if they are just a little strict. All I can say is that my parents are destroying my sister's future by not doing anything and letting her slack. Failing all of her elective subjects in this final secondary school year is not funny. Her finals are just 2 months away too!

Bro is studying out of the country so he's not here to contaminate the house. Thank god.

I feel a three and a half ton rock on my shoulders every time I get home. I know it's selfish to want to leave home and leave all this responsibilities. But I can't take it anymore. I need time for myself. I don't want all this responsibilities.

I want to come home to myself. I want to cook dinner only for myself. I want to only clean up after myself. I only want to do wash my own clothes. I want to only iron my own clothes. I want to only think about my future and not my whole family. I want to only think about myself.

I don’t need anyone nagging me to get housework done. I don’t need anyone waking me up in the mornings saying that it’s not healthy to sleep in late. (But I need the sleep with all that responsibility. You can’t expect me to wake up early and go to sleep late right?!) I don’t need anyone to tell me everything I already know! I want my weekends to myself! I want to sleep in late! I want to read a book alone!

I'm a selfish bitch to think like that. I know family is important, but I just can't take it anymore.